Blasts from the Past!

I was being a very good boy the other night and went to gym. I was a mean cardio machine as I kicked a$$ on the treadmill and stepper! And while I was overdosing on endorphins, I heard my name being called. There she was............................................................

Someone that I knew from back in day when I lived in a small city! A Blast from the Past!

It was what I felt during and after the encounter that sparked this post! I felt this sudden need to impress, to make things sound better than they actually were and generally make my life sound awesome! I was automatically taken back to my trained / learned social responses when I was a young insecure teenager trying to find his way. Fascinating how by having a simple conversation with my "blast from the past", the powerful reflections of social conditioning, my survival tricks I learnt when I was most afraid and insecure, my need to impress to appear better and my envy radar all were up on BLAST / FULL POWER !?!?!?!?!

I was left thinking how we deal with our blasts from the past is correlated to what we still carry in our baggage! It seems like our pain, anger, resentment, fears can be mirrored quite effectively when paths crossed are re-visited from people we knew in our past!

Talk about an effective "PROGRESS" check! *GRIN*

This is beginning to shed light on the very first post (Spotlight) I did when I took the brave step to blog and share my inner conversations. How generally I hate been judged, boxed and labelled but more importantly how my frustration with others that do that to me is fed by my ignorance of how I do that to myself. Put myself under that spotlight. Speaks volumes to the need for some release work of what comes with the spotlight I shine on myself!

What is real for me now is to see how some of pain, fears and ego related responses have still got a space within my heart. How the teachings of my parents, community and culture still play a role in some of the responses and beliefs I hold dear. How my degree of feeling great versus wanting to run and hide indicate the degree of how I have dealt with my baggage.

This message has always been clear for me when I bumped into my blasts from the past on the romantic front. I revel in the wisdom/insight I have gained from being in relationships. It really all comes together when I bump into my ex BFs and realise how I have grown and moved to a new level. It is such a delight when I am in a new relationship and I am able to move forward and operate on a new level where the guy definitely gets a better version of me than the previous guy. Love that BTW!

So I got a message and I know deep down that it has something to do with my inner critics, my inner jury and how they learnt to judge. Amazing how that is so well worked into my mind. So I am irritated that your work is never done but knowing when the irritation subsides that the enlightenment is the gift!

So if anything my experience and wisdom tells me it is time to set some baggage down and make room for new perspective. I always loved that phrase when I was a young boy attending church religiously "Give your burdens unto the Lord" For me it now means to trust that solutions are there and allowing the visibility to exist for you to see clearly and take action!
So in this cycle, envy and blast from the past check point let me know it is time to shine some light on baggage I can let go and make space...................................................What is great to see is that the squirm factor is related to the "how I have dealt" factor! hehehehehehhe love that!