Without You! Really?

So, my attention has been on "LURV SONGS"! And no it is not what you thinking. . . . . . . . . . .

I have just notice something about certain love songs that are beginning to make me question than just blindly singing along.  So I have noticed that some love songs speak about how this person will be there forever and how this person is the answer to the one's prayers and just makes life perfect.

I keep on thinking how unfair to that other person that you would claim to love.  How unfair to expect someone to be the "answer" to all your problems, your challenges, your unhappiness or simply to make you feel good about life!  How unfair!  So when those songs beautifully speak to how life is worthless without the person and not even worth living, is that really true?

I am seeing that everyday as an adult is about choice.  On the one side you have your parents, your heroes, your perfect men that got away or your friends that have it all versus on the other side, your higher wisdom, your higher power or God (for some).  And that choice now comes to a point where you choose to keep expecting someone to take care of it for you.  Whether it is  to feel good, take action to better your life, have fun, be happy, be healthy etc.  Each day is a choice of where you put that expectation and on who?

The reality is that it is so much easier with a person and yes we get immediate results but they are not sustainable.  That person is human and will disappoint you and then you back to the reality of what next to give you that good feeling you crave.  Turning to God, The Universe, Higher Power, Higher Self, whatever you would like to call it, means that you have to trust in yourself and your access to that.  It does come down to you being responsible and owning that.  Everyday, I believe we are confronted with that choice in whatever situation or experience we find ourselves in.

You can think back to when you were a child.  You looked to your parents for guidance, for security and trusted in their ability to guide to what was right for you.  But for some, that was not even there for them.  They could see how perfectly human and flawed their parents were and lost that faith in something bigger and wiser than themselves. And the other extreme is still having parents decide for kids that are already adults with kids of their own.  Some could have had a profound love / romantic relationship that helped them explore some of the deepest parts of their heart and losing that amazing mirror of amazingness is hard to let go of.

There are times when the people around us are needed to help us find our answer or go to that place to get to understand ourselves on a deeper level.  But we forget that to get to those places we need to go  through a series of choices.  Choices that we make ourselves and through choices we make alone.  And that is the trick.  Ultimately, it is us making those decisions and we forget that.

So when I hear these love songs speak about how life cannot go on, and how one can never be the same or whole again, or how they could never love that way again and how useless they are without that person not around, I say stop it!  I say ok, maybe for this moment you feel that way, but then there is the next moment where you realise that you still breathing! Then you realise that you have a life!  Then you realise that you have choice and with choice you take that next step and eventually you can decide to let go of the expectation to have someone make you happy and safe.  It's just unfair to expect that of someone.

When I look at my drama over the past few weeks, I am now seeing how I expect certain things to be taken care of by certain people I love.  There were things that were not there for me as a child and stuff I so needed from my Dad to make me feel safe and ok and that no matter what, things would be alright.  And I see how me still expecting that from him today translates into my other relationships that I cherish.  And now is the time to let go and stop expecting that from him!  That time for him to have given that to me is over and whatever I need from him today is available to me from myself as I am now an adult.  So everyday is a CHOICE to either expect him and other forms of him to give me my happiness or myself with the help and grace of God.

Go Strong!