Resentment, Resentment, RESENTMENT! What a powerful emotion this is!!!!!!! Powerful in the fact that it can paralyse constructive action, stop evolvement, traps all unnecessary drama and skewed perception and just holds and weighs down the spirit!
It is possible to see people that are trapped in a vicious cycle of self hatred. They are constantly hurting those around them. They act out, lash out and can be the social retard/ruthless b1tch! All in an effort to assert themselves, their power and not let anyone F#$#k them around!
There is the take no prisoners and amputate if you have to approach. It is only a survival technique when you break it down to its core.
Parents are a great source of resentment for many of us. And truthfully, parents are merely victims of victims. They did the best they could with what they knew. When we as kids realise that our heroes are human, that make mistakes, hurt us without knowing or disappoint us, resentment does build.
Today I look back and say thank God I was able to accept and forgive my parents. Loving them purely for who they are has made me more whole than I could have ever imagined! That continues to inspire me to face the work required of forgiveness! I have seen how it allowed me to forgive the love of my life for leaving me and following his heart! His happiness that just had no place for me in it! I can now say that with a smile which speaks volumes for me.
I recently discovered that there was resentment that existed in volume within me. That somehow I comfortably tucked it away and allowed it to blend in and be so unconscious! Thankfully my life would have nothing of it and took me back to that place and time where I had it in buckets! It has been disguised for so long that I hardly could recognise the source and I can safely say it has taken on a twisted perspective. But it has surfaced in all its scariness and ugliness and puts forth some work for me...................................................
So the first choice I made was not to figure out why now! I chose to trust that I was ready to deal with it and hold it to the light and face it! With that sentiment, I find myself at a crossroad where FORGIVENESS is on the table and I have the choice! Let it go and be free or be stuck with my warped need to have the eye for eye be served!
I believe that it has to do with allowing and giving way too much power to an external opinion! You see, we all need validation for the essence that burns within us. For most of us, it is not enough that you (the individual) appreciates, loves, adores and cherishes that essence that burns purely within you. The fix must come from the outside and yes especially those that claim to love us!
I know that resentment knows very well how to eat away at a person. It is amazing how we as humans want a witness that has seen where we have come from and where we have ended up and can see where we are going! We get devastated when they still will not acknowledge that greatness within us. It is fuelled further on that some of us allow it and place so much power on it!
And so the vicious cycle of self hatred and self loathing starts. And then blame seems like the easy way out because it absolves you of the responsibility to look at yourself in the eye and be truthful with yourself! To look yourself in the eye and say, ok so you f%$#ked up! You outsourced some of your power and you can it back right now. All you need to do is LET GO...................
I realise it is no easy task of any of us to forgive others and all their sh1t that they carry as part of their "charm". That sh1t that makes them exhausting to be around as you give them a "safe" space to be an a$$! It is not easy because you are called to question why the hell are not honest with yourself in the first place and why not with them?
I have found that when you really honest with who you are and what your truth is, there comes a space for courage and trust to find a loving way to communicate that. It is a sense and a way for you to feel your way through it. As a start, it is time to not sing that love song for the sake of someone else's reaction. Maybe it is time to simply live in your truth and trust your ability to share it lovingly!
No comments:
Post a Comment