The SINGLE-hood! The kind of words /phrases that go with it include freedom, fun, lightness, NO sacrifice, NO one to consider in decisions and independence. The concept of a husband and children somehow make the house crowded and there seems to be just so much more to making life happen than just taking care of yourself and being able to do whatever you want to without answering to anyone else!
So it seems from Miranda's perspective that it comes down to choice of keeping who you are or losing who you are to a child and marriage. That you really cannot have it all if you want the family life to come along. It is a fear for people who work so hard to get their independence, success and living a life on their terms. When that is so important to an individual, I can imagine how the idea of losing yourself is a scary one.
With anything in life, it is about evolving. I can speak personally from my friends who have gone into parenthood and marriage and will tell you that it is one of the most exciting adventures they have been on. None of them have said it was easy but all say that it is worth it. For me, it is about understanding what is joyful and fulfilling for you. It is not about compromise and sacrifice. It really is about where your values are and what they mean for where you are in your life. For someone who values the complete freedom of not considering more than one person in their decision making, the idea of kids and a committed relationship would not serve that. For someone who values connection and building something special in the family space, then a marriage and kids would serve them.
I don't believe that marriage plus a baby equals death. I do believe that marriage and a baby are a consequence of where one's values and priorities are. So as and when or as and if it comes that it becomes a priority, it will naturally flow and become real in one's life. And by the time that swings by, that person will be in that mindset to go with the flow and deal with what comes from that journey.
So all we need to know is that life is what life needs to be right now for where our priorities, values and whatever fulfills us places us. Some of us are in a fantasy and cannot see that our real desire is being met. And some of us are fully aware of where we are based on what we value. Either way, we are what we believe! Mwah!
Great post, I think that so many people breed for the wrong reasons, hence so much dysfunction in many families.
ReplyDeleteThanks Gemel.I hear what you saying.
ReplyDeleteI really love your take on all of this. Sometimes (as a single mother) it does feel as though it's all about sacrifice. Other times I find myself wondering who that person that's staring back at me from the mirror is. But when I take a little time for myself and am reflecting on my life and everyone in it, I realize that my son has given me the gift of love like noone else ever could have. I realize that my life has been richer because he's in it. I see that I've grown into a much better person than I ever thought I would, with the motivation of motherhood and wanting to be a good example for my son.
ReplyDeleteSure, sometimes I see those 30-something friends without kids and the extra responsibilities and thing how nice it would be to only have to worry about myself. I think all parents do at times. But if I could go back and change it, I wouldn't. Not a chance.
Thank you for being able to see the blessing that parenthood is while still being able to understand that everyone should do what's best for them.
New follower...thanks for visiting/following my blog :) Sorry I didn't get much opportunity to comment until now.
@Silverfaerie - thanks for the comment. And thanks for re-assuring me that kids are a great gift. Love your blog so i am a happy follower :) Take Care . . . . .
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