The TIme is to live and be happy now!

Friday, May 15, 2009

I am finding a way to let you in.................

I honestly feel like I am having a "tea party" lately. Around my table are the following guests:
  • Love with all her beauty, grace and wisdom

  • Fear with all his irrational, highly absorbing, distracting manner

  • Love's cousins who are peace, trust and self belief (all beautiful ladies really!!)

  • Fear's cousins who are doubt, self sabotage and unworthiness




It has been an interesting journey that it is now becoming evident to me. I am finally finding a way to let greatness, goodness and self belief into my heart to join my tea party. It is a huge step where before I left them knocking at my door and refused to answer. Now I have opened the door and invited them in.


And now I see how I am playing nervous host seeing how they interact with my very close and dear friend FEAR and his cronies!


So this is where I am finding the source of my anxiety of late. Having found a way to attract and let in Love and her cousins and now having to deal with the new found dynamic I see unfolding at the "tea party" in my heart! It is all fascinating, a roll coaster ride and one where I am always faced with a choice!


Gravitate to Love or Gravitate to Fear! Who do I align with? The answer seems easy doesn't it? Then why the struggle?


I do see progress though which does make me excited and know that the bricks to bliss are being laid for me to one day live in my home of love! Fear and I have been together for soooooo long that I do feel battered wife syndrome with him. Somehow I do feel we belong together, well at least that was what I felt!


But there is a slow and interesting change brewing. I am seeing the cracks between my relationship with fear. When events happened in my life and presented themselves to me on a silver platter waiting for me to take action and enjoy the rapture, I have moved from a feeling of hopelessness in some instances to a person of anger.


To me this such a step up as I find anger a bit more positive than absolute depression and hopelessness on the emotional scale. It does mean that I am beginning to see and unpack what it means to have love, self belief, security and trust resonate and be real within my heart. So this is progress and this is scary and also exciting.

I am seeing how it is coming through, flowing like no big deal to the Universe and how all this beauty and greatness is being laid in front of my door. All I have to do now is open the door and let them in and enjoy the tea party. Apparently from what I have read and been exposed to, life is meant to be that simple! Letting greatness, bliss and love in your door to have a blast at the tea party in your heart!


In work, play and my bliss path, there are opportunities coming in. I have the greatest opportunity now laid before me for work, I have attracted a good man with good intentions, I have created an amazing house that makes me feel like I am home and safe, I have the greatest friends that love me no matter what, I have a family that supports and loves me without much effort and I go from strength to strength in my life!


An yet despite all this goodness and all this love I have physical evidence of, I find myself doubting and wondering when the other shoe will drop! When my long time companion fear, will play his trump card and I will then quickly and without question move to his side to continue our relationship. Before it was a feeling hopelessness, now it is just frustration/anger! This good because that can be worked on in terms of action ;-)


So yes, I am happy deep down to now looking to find a way to let Love and her cousins in! Now the fun begins with the dynamic at the tea party in my heart!


Let's see how this unfolds! Till next time! Mwah!

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