I am finding a way to let you in.................

I honestly feel like I am having a "tea party" lately. Around my table are the following guests:

• Love with all her beauty, grace and wisdom


• Fear with all his irrational, highly absorbing, distracting manner


• Love's cousins who are peace, trust and self belief (all beautiful ladies really!!)


• Fear's cousins who are doubt, self sabotage and unworthiness

It has been an interesting journey that it is now becoming evident to me. I am finally finding a way to let greatness, goodness and self belief into my heart to join my tea party. It is a huge step where before I left them knocking at my door and refused to answer. Now I have opened the door and invited them in.

And now I see how I am playing nervous host seeing how they interact with my very close and dear friend FEAR and his cronies!

So this is where I am finding the source of my anxiety of late. Having found a way to attract and let in Love and her cousins and now having to deal with the new found dynamic I see unfolding at the "tea party" in my heart! It is all fascinating, a roll coaster ride and one where I am always faced with a choice!

Gravitate to Love or Gravitate to Fear! Who do I align with? The answer seems easy doesn't it? Then why the struggle?

I do see progress though which does make me excited and know that the bricks to bliss are being laid for me to one day live in my home of love! Fear and I have been together for soooooo long that I do feel battered wife syndrome with him. Somehow I do feel we belong together, well at least that was what I felt!

But there is a slow and interesting change brewing. I am seeing the cracks between my relationship with fear. When events happened in my life and presented themselves to me on a silver platter waiting for me to take action and enjoy the rapture, I have moved from a feeling of hopelessness in some instances to a person of anger.

To me this such a step up as I find anger a bit more positive than absolute depression and hopelessness on the emotional scale. It does mean that I am beginning to see and unpack what it means to have love, self belief, security and trust resonate and be real within my heart. So this is progress and this is scary and also exciting.

I am seeing how it is coming through, flowing like no big deal to the Universe and how all this beauty and greatness is being laid in front of my door. All I have to do now is open the door and let them in and enjoy the tea party. Apparently from what I have read and been exposed to, life is meant to be that simple! Letting greatness, bliss and love in your door to have a blast at the tea party in your heart!

In work, play and my bliss path, there are opportunities coming in. I have the greatest opportunity now laid before me for work, I have attracted a good man with good intentions, I have created an amazing house that makes me feel like I am home and safe, I have the greatest friends that love me no matter what, I have a family that supports and loves me without much effort and I go from strength to strength in my life!

An yet despite all this goodness and all this love I have physical evidence of, I find myself doubting and wondering when the other shoe will drop! When my long time companion fear, will play his trump card and I will then quickly and without question move to his side to continue our relationship. Before it was a feeling hopelessness, now it is just frustration/anger! This good because that can be worked on in terms of action ;-)

So yes, I am happy deep down to now looking to find a way to let Love and her cousins in! Now the fun begins with the dynamic at the tea party in my heart!

Let's see how this unfolds! Till next time! Mwah!

Halo! The sequel!

So I was really inspired to sit in silence and breathe after my "Breathe Workshop" last weekend. The sentiment I loved from that workshop was stripping off your ego, silencing the mind, and dropping shackles to make room for your GREAT, your TRUTH and your inner ROCK STAR to vibrate and exist within you. You being all connected and one with it. I am seeing how this is allowing my inner light to burn brightly!

So this week I have been smiling a whole lot but also realised something HUGE...................

MotherF#$#er have we all been programmed! We are really weighed down with dominant thoughts that do not serve us, silent tapes/scenarios that play in our heads that cripple us, buried beliefs (hidden in some snug place) yielding its influence on us and us not even knowing! This is what I love about life, relationships and the experiences we have in our lives. That inner discomfort, negative emotion is really a gift to us who believe in transmuting that emotion to its opposite. The road to our BLISS!

So my first installment of Halo covered someone seeing through your bullsh1t and looking at the inner truth. With breathing, I am beginning to look at the man in the mirror with the same sentiment. Looking beyond the bullsh1t to the beauty and truth that lies beneath the skin at the core of him. And that is becoming a fascinating and exciting process where I find myself smiling more, appreciating more, being open more and cherishing the beauty that exists. To be my own angel and not depending on someone else to be the prince in shining armour is beginning to find comfort within my heart!

To be comfortable to shine my light, open up to the world and let it in, appreciating beauty in people, nature and the process of life. To look deeper and not be afraid to see and let it just be and steer away from boxing it, classifying it or judging it! With this I find myself back in a space of gratitude for the gifts that are coming my way already with just a few days of breathing and being in fullness:

• Work is becoming more interesting again and I am beginning to enjoy it. I am finding my way back to passion which means I am finding my way back to being a tremendous value creator which is very much the space I am so used to operating within. I can finally feel my way back to that space (HOME). Loving it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




• My sense of home is strong. It is safe, sacred and has love all over. I am loving how the space is becoming a rock in my life!




• I going a date with an amazing man this week! I am ok with how it unfolds and I am looking forward to knowing someone, being me and enjoying the ride. No mental drama or wondering! Just in the moment. Being me and enjoy him being him!!!!! And trusting that whatever happens next, serves me awesomely!




• Finally trusting a bit more (I believe this is the Universal tests I get to check my readiness, having faith and trusting the greater good! I believe I constantly get tested with experiences to establishing that I am progressing in this aspect!). Trusting that my greater good is served and that it all works out as it is meant to be. Took that stance on some challenges this week and boy did they work out beyond expectation. I was even pleasantly surprised and then realised how the negative banter, the negative sentiment as my first point of call was not really worth it and just created work for me to change the emotional set point around to other side of the Fear/Love spectrum!

What I have clicked is that there is work ahead of me. I am finally beginning to see my negative programming coming to light and in some instances cannot believe why I did not see it before. All that belief that can be let go if I am just brave enough to move forward without their perceived comfort! So I find myself in a very exciting place. Testing and experiencing for myself and step by step, opening paths for new programmes that serve me! What an awesome journey this is becoming!

The walls are beginning to tumble down! Loving it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Breathe!

So I have heard that trusting in your greater good, that all will be unravelled and be revealed at the right time and place is something like breathing (I think that Louise L Hay was responsible for that pearl of wisdom for me). You breathe, not worrying about the next breathe, knowing that just as you exhale you will inhale again to supply your body with oxygen. So if it is your undying trust to know that your next breathe will be there to nourish and provide your oxygen needs, why is it such an issue to trust that same universal power with the rest of life's blessing and path to bliss!?!?!?!?!

But I guess it is about the first step. That step of trusting and saying here I am uncertain, not sure WTF will happen, scared sh1tless of something I do not fully understand!

But here I am and now I decide to lay down the above burden of worry, stress and figuring out how! Here I am trusting, having faith and moving forward with strength.

I attended a breathe workshop yesterday and I finally understood the bliss of being in the NOW! You know where no past or future was in that space, just me , my breathe and simply being! I finally could allow the comfort of knowing, calm, peace and bliss to wrap around me gently and hold me sweetly while I simply just allowed myself to BE!

I will admit that I was not blown away completely by the event but more taken on a path where I would like to explore more. There is something to be understood about breaking the EGO down and shaking off the shackles of what the EGO drapes on our being to not allow for our TRUTH to shine brightly!

And that was the magic for me from yesterday, the path to my TRUTH! That gets me very excited as I delve into this deeper and explore, discover and be my TRUTH!

I know from this experience that I need to pursue the "HUG OF LIFE". But that will be explained in another post when I understand that TRUTH a bit deeper!

But this has been my Saturday, a day with Crazeebee minus the EGO for a while and simply being with no agenda, responsibilities, no need for anything just simply BEING! Amen!