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| Coal to Diamond |
I suspect that we all have had our fair share of feeling worthless! There are those moments in our lives where we cannot believe we are who we are! We cannot imagine how we could face a day and have the nerve to show our face to the world. When you look at your reflection you get sick, disgusted and cannot stand the sight! How could the world possibly not see it any different to what you can blatantly see?
I am amazed that no matter how far you progress in life, your pain still exists if not dealt with. As I get confirmation regularly at how limitless the universe is at creating opportunity for bliss, it is just as effective and limitless in the way it creates experiences to feel your pain if you hold onto it. And this cycle continues and continues as that is what you hold onto inside of you. I get it! I am always tempted to speak up when I hear people say “why me God, what did I do to deserve this?” I am dying to tell them that it is them hanging onto a pain!
So I added the theme of releasing worthlessness from my system to my mirror work. Just by simply affirming the following:
"I am willing to release worthlessness!"
has opened so many avenues, awareness and opportunity to step into dealing with my pain. I have come to understand how my culture, my parents, my family and my “then” interpretation of Christianity have played such a strong role in how I got hurt in the past. I am seeing how it all laid a foundation to make up the worthlessness I felt for just being me as I am!
With some help, I shone a light on my shadow and all the above became clear. I had some interesting conversations with my inner child to start observing how this all started piecing together. I could feel how it manifested in my body and had to live through the nausea and a physically weak body that just wanted to curl up and sleep till it was all over. I had to be brave to be in my vulnerability and be seen with all that self labeled ugliness I carried inside!
And then the magic of life happens as the beauty of Alchemy takes over! All that bad energy got transformed into something beautiful to my pleasant surprise . . . . . My Grandmother passes away. Being such a strong force within the family, it called for a huge gathering in her honor which put me in the middle of my culture, my family and Christianity. I cannot really explain the feeling of bliss I felt sitting there in my Gran’s memorial service. It was like I was experiencing everything for the first time as a being untouched by this world. There was such an innocence and purity in what I experienced.
The songs we sang from the old hymn books spoke of hope, trust in a higher force and surrender of desire to have it done for us! A far cry from be a good little boy and then God will decide reward you rather than punish you!
The prayer rituals finally spoke of remembering how great we are because we are divinely connected to such an awesome power, wisdom and intelligence and honoring that by simply remembering it as we go about life!
In my family, I saw what strength means in how they loved each other, their children and their heritage! I appreciated that no matter what, I was me and could be vulnerable and be sure that love was there to wrap around me. I did not feel the pull of a black hole but rather connection to something beautiful.
I understood the role my culture played in making we feel what I did when I was a teenager but I also realized the power of choice and that because I chose different, I got to experience different and that is it. Although I was raised in that culture and bought into it at some point in my life. When I found a deeper truth, I chose different and thus it is ok to come where I came from because where I go is determined by my choice. I have proved that my choice track record has served my bliss and that is something special to celebrate and find comfort in!
So at this point I am Dangerously Happy and on a Happy Rush of note! Life can be the most fascinating thing ever when you start changing your position to situations, things, and experiences. I pray that you all have the opportunity to live your lives through new eyes as you step into and release your roles, your non serving beliefs, what the world expects and your pain!
Go Strong!
Love CB
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