Fix You

We all want to feel special on some level.  That we are ok and don't need to be anything than who we are.  Our soul knows that and our spirit knows that.  Would someone please tell our EGO!  These false masks and drapes that we wear to make us feel special?  Are they really worth it?  When we perceive the world through the lenses of criteria other than what our soul knows, then we are so open to feel worthless, unpretty and not special.  The energy of the song let's one know that  there is a path back to light, to what your soul deeply knows for sure.  That you matter just as you are.  It is now up to you to shed the false drapes, lenses and masks.  Release it!

Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones 

Blog Crush : A Slice of Gay Pie: Do we all measure up?

I found this to be a cute and adorable post.  I guess when it comes down to most things in life, when you love it the rest of the world loves it.  It all starts with you loving yourself first.  Enjoy it!

A Slice of Gay Pie: Do we all measure up?: "A graph on the world's cock sizes - from another blog - got me thinking about how much size really matters? Are men suppose to believe..."

Seeking First To Understand!

It was Stephen Covey that first introduced me to this in my early 20's.  Seek first to understand before being understood.  It implies dropping your bias, your judgement and pre-conditioned responses and really being present and listening to what is in front of you.  It comes done to hearing the truth!  It comes down to owning that and not leaving it up to someone else to perfectly phrase the truth for you.

But it takes courage to embrace change in you and your point of view.  It takes a trust that you can be open to see the world from a different perspective without it fundamentally destroying you or destroying the safe view you have of yourself.  It takes a strength to understand the world through someone else's eyes and being ok that it does not define you unless you choose it!

I have seen this in the past few weeks how we all have our filters and we have a choice to listen with our filters or drop them.  There is a definite change in approach when you "listen to reply" versus "listen to understand"  It is clear that when you listen to understand, that you have more influence and empowerment within your reach.

So seeking to understand need not be a scary or difficult activity.  You have choice at your disposal which means you are not bound by what is in front of you to take it on or even believe it.  It also helps me to know that no human in this world has all the facts and full truth at their disposal to completely understand a situation, an experience or a person.

All we can do is understand someone through their values and respect that they have their journey.  Imposing our view does not work.  A view that inspires change comes from a very powerful and pure place.  But it starts with understanding first what is in front of you!

So be encouraged to actively listen to the next person and be present.  Intend to listen to understand and see what unfolds!

Go Strong!

xoxo

Vulnerability is NOT an act of declaring your love for someone!

I spent some time this morning crying my heart out!  The simplest form of the story.  I put my trust in a man, he disappointed me and it hurt me in the process.  And all because I expected some form of caring and responsibility from someone other than myself.  I can easily connect this to my Daddy Issues of trusting a man who should know better and not have to question him taking care of me.  But I am reminded that vulnerability is merely a gateway to get closer to seeing how comfortable you are with the truth you hold onto!

I am not sure if I can convey how I am understanding it currently but will give a try . . . .

Firstly, I have realised that vulnerability is not equated to loving someone or someone loving you.  For me, being vulnerable is sharing who you are unedited, no glass, no shields, just you STRIPPED!  Yes there is a degree of you having the courage to drop the camouflage and being in the reality of who you are in that moment, but it is an act of sharing the real you in a moment not the full you, but just who you are in that moment.  It does not mean you love the person or the person loves you who shares.  It is comfort to let down your guard and that is all it is!

Then there is the realisation that we are all human with our perfection, talents and our flaws.  We will always take on information through our lenses, our judgment and our reference.  And seeing that we are all not in a position of knowing all aspects of truth, the room to misinterpret and misunderstand exists.  And because the assumption is that we are understood, the expectation comes that the other person now cares and takes responsibility for some of our well being and happiness.  So there is a trust in something "sacred" , "stable" and "unshakable".  But is it really?  Putting trust in another human being with their own path, pain and misunderstandings?  Is the room for hurt not a guarantee with the above formula?

Because that is where the hurt comes in.  We realise that we are misunderstood and that the person's version of caring is not the definition we expected them to live by and act upon to make us happy.  And so we have our trust shattered and we question the safety of the relationship, the comfort of being loved, the security of being taken care of by another and the taking a break from doing the work for ourselves to be happy!

When I could cry no more after feeling all that disappointment and pain, I realised that I all really wanted was to  be taken care of.  Having something wiser, bigger, stronger and all together take care of me, guide me and protect me.  It's not going to be a human.  And this is where I see the power of faith in God/Universe/The Higher Power.  By trusting and having faith in that and looking to see how it works for your higher good, how can we consider trusting all that to a human?  I am seeing time should be spent understanding just how powerful and all knowing this Higher Power is and that I play a role by allowing myself to access this wisdom through the experiences I face.

I believe interaction with each other people serve to strengthen our understanding of ourselves and our journey.  I am beginning to see how vulnerability is about truth coming out in its rawest form.  In coal form as I would like to see.  As you feel your way through it and allow yourself to experience the situation of getting that raw truth visible, the opportunity to work into a diamond exists.

Being vulnerable helps to check in on the truth you hold to give you an opportunity to choose differently.  It does not mean that the person you are vulnerable with takes the responsibility of the choices you need to make in order to get your happiness.  That ownership stays with you.  I am now see how easily I confuse being vulnerable with someone come with an expectation that they will take responsibility for my choice to do the work to get my bliss.  Reverse it as well.  Someone is vulnerable with me, I take responsibility to do the work to get them their bliss!

It's a true gift indeed.  Realising how I was outsourcing my work to a man to make me happy!  Just some thoughts on vulnerability.  Would love to hear what it means to you out there?

The Cost of Guilt!

The concept of how much does the guilt I carry cost me made itself clear to me in a traffic jam. I had taken a few days off work to just get in touch with me without the work titles, the lifestyle etc I thought that I had given myself enough time to get to the airport and then bam! There it was! Traffic! I was pissed that I was going to have to take a later flight and would have to pay for another ticket. I was right, but what I was pleasantly surprised by was the discovery of the cost my guilt was causing me.


I knew that somehow I attracted this situation of being backed up in traffic and missing my flight. In the midst of my anger, I could see it. I was guilty for wanting a break away from the madness, leaving the ship to be steered by people who were busier than me, going on a lavish holiday which was all about me and being simply self indulgent!

Guilt is a weird feeling. It is drenched in shame, remorse and punishment! That violation of some moral code where you just end up feeling worthless. What is interesting is that to release guilt you have to be willing to release your judgment of what causes you to feel the shame! And judgment is merely a decision you have made on a subject. How wonderful that decisions stem from choice which mean freedom. So it is a willingness to choose a different decision that allows you to release guilt!

I have realized that as much as I am working on this whole attracting Wiseman Nos 7 into my life, that I have a fair share of guilt that I am carrying. I am ashamed of my “potbelly” that I have gained through choice of food to let grow out of control! I was ashamed that I demanded a man with the perfect body when I was nowhere near in that arena in terms of my body. It was when I was willing to say to myself that I was still worth loving with my potbelly that I felt a shift in the guilt I was feeling. The more I was willing to choose to release the judgment that a potbelly equaled not worthy of love, the more I could feel that guilt washing away. I have also realized that I am carrying quite a bit of guilt around my prosperity, my work success and even what I desire for myself. So I am willing to start working on releasing that.

I see now how carrying guilt is a result of how we hold a subject in judgment and as long as we choose to keep that judgment in place, the more we accumulate the cost of carrying that guilt. My guilt for being overweight costs me the ability to share an amazing bond with an amazing man. My guilt for my blessed, prosperous life versus some of the people I love costs me my freedom to truly enjoy my prosperity through lack of time and taking on the burden other’s consequences of their choices. My guilt for wanting to create value beyond the mediocre in my work costs me my trust and faith in others doing their best, so I end up having to overcompensate for what they lack!

What is the cost of the guilt you carry? Are you willing to continue bearing the returns of what you hold onto dearly in terms of judgment?

1)Figure out what bothers you in life 2) Is there guilt or shame or remorse? 3) What judgment do you have on the subject? 4) Are you willing to release it and choose differently to allow the guilt to dissolve . . . . .

Tit Bit : Willingness to LOVE those body parts you hate so much?

Have you ever taken the time to marvel at the intelligence that exists in all parts of our body.  I am amazed by how powerful the body is with how it operates.  There is a profoundness when you look beyond the obvious in terms of what you see.  So I have started looking at what it means to love every part of your body and getting to a point of being comfortable in your own skin.  How wonderful would it be for us being so comfortable in our skin and being at ease with life.

So if you scanned your body right now, where does the charge sit that makes you want to hide, get sick or simply wish that the body part was better or even perfect! 

I know it is one of my spiritual practices, to love something that I do not deem to be perfect.  And for me that is the power of loving the self.  Looking at the picture in this post and seeing a beauty in it and loving it without cost! 

So today I extend the same invitation to you that I have extended to myself.  An invite to merely be willing to embrace the concept of loving those bodyparts we hate.  Just be willing and allow yourself permission to  just love it the way it is.  I am curious to see what will bubble up from that . . . . . . . . . .

What do you deserve in life?

Imagine you had to look out in the distance and you saw this "blob" of whatever approaching you! You cannot really make out what it is, but it is coming towards you and definitely is on your path. For the split piece of time before you become familiar with what it is, what goes through your mind? Are you excited or are you nervous about the blob? Are you expecting something awesome or something scary?


For me, the answer that comes from the above questions has so much to do with what we believe we deserve! It is also amazing at how it differs from person to person and how it differs from aspect to aspect in our lives. It permeates what you feel you deserve in your career, relationships, living space and even how you treat yourself.

Our parents, God Bless them, have played their part in teaching us how to deserve. Think back to the days when you wanted stuff as a child how it all went down to you expressing a desire and what unfolded to it either being a reality or different to what you desired. For some it was as easy as asking and then simply getting it. For some, there might have been a whole lot of emotional baggage laid on them, some could have received strings when they got what they wanted and others well simply got told to let it go and accept living without it!

And so we carry that with us today if we have not already chosen to see our worthiness differently. I do see that from my experience, that what I wanted came with cost of someone suffering. That is all I vividly remembered. I would normally get what I wanted but someone had to suffer so that I could get what I desired. That could be that my siblings were denied something or even my parents were denied goodness so that my desires were fulfilled.

So it is no wonder that responsibility carried such heaviness for me in my life. The more and more I wanted and got what I wanted, the more I had this pull to what was going to happen to those I love that will make them suffer. What would happen to them that I would need to take care of them because getting all my desires is great and it is a matter of time will the suffering of those I love kick in.

It makes no sense at all but as a child what really makes sense is all relative. The power is that it is a belief / an expectation and that is all that life needs to go on and make reality for you. So look out into the distance and see that “blob” heading your way. Start noticing how you feel about it! If you believe you deserve all the great in life, I can bet you are pretty excited at what is approaching. If not, maybe there is a wonderful opportunity to check in on your current standpoint of what you believe you deserve.  The change in perspective, could unlock some unexpected treasures to getting what you desire. . . . . . . . . .


Love CB

Distractions! Have an idea what distracts you from your best you?

Are Distractions not the best?!?!?! You don’t get to feel or experience the pain! You get to be “protected” from pain or dealing with the yucky stuff. You buy some time before the crash and that is better because you just cannot deal with it right now.  Maybe later you will be ready to deal with consequences but not today!

There is also the view that certain foundations/areas make up the success of what you see as a great life. So we go into obsession of those foundations and forget the bigger picture as we simply get lost in the detail of the make up of what makes us happy!

But distractions really are the lies we tell ourselves through denial or alternate reality to not look at what is really there! We simply lose sight of the bigger picture of who we are and the core desires that go with that knowing of ourselves!


It is amazing how it manifests itself in various ways. From the couple who decides that having a child is the most precious experience and then there are complications! We have all seen how that puts the relationship through some challenges and the potential to put the love for each on hold for the sake of creating a baby does creep in! There is the person who decides that they will be the best that they can be in their career and want to set ablaze the industry with their brilliance. Yet they forget that to truly take it to that level means knowing who you really are.  That when you successful and in charge of who you are, that is allows for the outer world to take note and respond! There is also the person who has had a rough life! As the young defenseless kid, what happened to them was harsh and not really fair! But regardless, they have choice and so they use their choice to hurt others as they have been hurt. You have met them, those always grumpy, angry, nasty people! I mean you just say hello and they will find a way to turn that into an insult and spit some venom your way.

But the one I find the most interesting is the distraction from our various communities. Our work peer group, our families, our religion, our culture and even within our close friendship circles! Through comparison and competition, we have the potential to get caught up in the currents those offer and get swept away in trying to keep up and so we lose sight of our bigger picture!

It is quite simple to know where you are on the distraction scale! Search your heart of hearts for your true desires and simply ask where it is physically in your life? I am very sure if there is still some yearning and frustration for its lack, then something is definitely blocking it and it lies on what is distracting you from enabling your truth’s manifestation!

I borrow an example from my life. One of my dominant desires is amazing, healing, warm, safe intimacy and feeling unconditional sexiness within me! Because I cannot feel that unconditional sexiness within me, I have turned to what I believe I am awesome at in the intellectual space. So I am working harder, getting involved in so much at to keep busy, effective and proving my intellectual supremacy to myself and the world. But the core of my sexiness is how I see my body. No amount of work accolades are going to help me until I start dealing with loving the physical. When I start looking in a mirror and see my well padded tummy and start loving it, my desire to feel unconditional sexiness is blocked! So I am aware that the harder I work, one of the key reasons is that I am feeling not sexy!

So go ahead! Ask the question and let it unfold for you. You know your bigger picture. You know what will truly make the experience of your life its best. What is distracting you from living your best life? I dare you to ask yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Like a Pyramid (the essence of you), stand tall and after the desert storms of life, there the truth of you will stand through the test of time! Be brave to simply see it as it is . . . . . . . . .
 

Song Crush : What Distracts you from your Truth and living as your best?!?

I am not an Eminem die hard fan but I can sooooo appreciate the lyrics!

“Just gonna stand there and watch me burn! That’s alright because YOU like the way it hurts! Just gonna stand there and watch me cry! That’s alright cause YOU like the way you lie”

I am drawn to the concept of how we distract ourselves from being the best we can be!  Those words above is the best of you asking your distracted self WTF?!?!?!  I have replaced some words to make the point!  But a powerful phrase to pose to your distracted self!

The Disease of the Mediocre!

Have you ever heard that story that many parents tell their kids just round about when teenage mania hits? You are the company you keep! How many of us believe that who we surround ourselves with means that is who we are? That our environment has a huge influence on who we get to be? That the influence of our outer world moves inward and can change who we are to something that is just not considered good? So take a look at what surrounds you today and by your judgment of the world, what does it tell you about how you rate your worthiness?


What does the car you drive, the house you live in, the neighborhood you from, the clothing brands you wear, your world travel history, your position on the corporate ladder and the company brand, your salary bracket, your in shapeness versus your friends, work peers, family members  or community do for your worthy rating?!?!? I guess comparison is natural for most of us. You cannot help but look at someone else’s life and make your conclusions from your perspective and then rank it up against what you are and have. In some cases you come out as ahead and that is all great for the ego. There are cases where you fall behind and then your self-loathing has a feeding frenzy!

Our definition of Mediocre to me is simply what does not make us feel special and worthy! It is the association to whatever! A car, a status, a title or social standing that keeps us safe in our self esteem. The lack of that aspect next to our name or our concept of ourselves means we are worthless. And so we treat it like any disease. Avoidance and OTT precautions!!!!! People who have Mediocre need to be steered clear of and not given the time of day as that will rub off on us and God forbid we get infected with their mediocre!

But there are definitely steps for a cure as after all, the only way you really get over some diseases is to get infected and trust that your body produces the antibodies to fight it off and get immune to it when that strain comes around again. So for me, the antibodies for the Mediocre include:

That we are all connected to the Divine! That is huge just simply remembering it and respecting it! We all have Divinity within us. It is merely varying degrees of blockage in people to the innate greatness that exists and is gifted to all of us. So judging another is merely not understanding their blockage that if released would get them closer to their best selves! So are you really part of helping others release their blockage or shadows on path to their greatness or not helping by piling more blockage on them to block their inner-light?

Your Oxygen mask must go on first before helping another with theirs! The best you can do for the world is to stay strong in your truth and connected to your greatness, your inner-voice and truth! From that position of wholeness you can relate to the world from a place of pure and good intention. And we know that a pure intention that any action rides the wave on results in the most blessed experiences for all parties concerned!

In any moment there is the Power of choice! Choice means you do not have to stay where you are. You will be presented with experiences and there will be alignment or contrast. But no matter what happens next, you have choice to stay where you are, or move onto something better. It all is on you and no one can force you unless you allow it. It falls all in the position you take on the experience or situation and that is all down to your choice of what you will believe to be true for you. And with that you can chose to become the Mediocre or chose different for yourself to be!
So with that, I wish us all greatness as we focus on the antibodies to lovingly deal the Mediocre in our lives and in so help more than just ourselves to remove blockage to accessing the great in us all!

Kiss Kiss

CB

Song Crush : The Disease of the Mediocre

Dealing with Mediocrity!  This song really can help with feeling the frustration, the disappointment and the why is it happening to  me!  It has a taunting energy.  The same that mediocrity can have on those people that are aware enough to rise above it.

As they say, feel and express the emotion and then it moves on!

What is Responsibility really about for you?

To be responsible means to take ownership of something. Mentally and emotionally you commit that whatever the undertaking, it is all on you. Its success or failure is under your ownership and you are alone when faced with the outcome. It’s all on you. What an amazing quality to find in someone. That you can trust that they can take ownership and obsessively commit to its success! While this is an admirable quality in someone, ever thought how consuming/destructive this could be when applied to a situation that is not worthy of the purity of responsibility and the gifts it brings?







It cannot be so hard to imagine . . . . . . . . . .

There are the kids that take ownership for their parents’ issues. Enter the case of the impact divorce has on kids. There are the teenagers who won that their differences is deserving of ridicule and judgement, so they own hating themselves as them being different causes the conflict! You see in the workplace where you live off the reputation of your company, your team and the non performers get carried by those who won the success of the team. It is in relationships, where the success of the relationship is owned by one partner that becomes controlling, setting expectations for the couple to live up to and becomes quite a challenge to walk away from as the successful outcome is owned and has to be fixed. It is in the relationship with our parents. Some parents feel need to protect and live their kids’ lives well into their kids’ adult life. Some kids take on the role of parent and feel the need to direct the way their parents should be living . . . . . . . . . . . . .

So I have been asking myself what causes such a pure intention of ownership to be misused or twisted to allow for the above? Is an arrogance that we can do it all and we are all knowing? Is it delusion that we play such a pivotal role in someone’s life or the world as it is? I suspect that it has something to do with getting off the path of what we are! I am reminded of this prayer . . . .

“Lord, grant me the Strength to accept that the things I cannot change. The Courage to change the things I can. And the Wisdom to know the difference. . . . . . “

The prayer strongly suggests that to know the lines of Responsibility also means to allow for your sanity and peace of mind. I believe that Stephen Covey was the first person to introduce me to the concept of responsibility. I learnt this valuable lesson at 23 years old. The concept of the Circle of Control versus the Circle of Influence. The bottom line, if you worrying about what is in the Circle of Influence, you going to go insane as you cannot control that in anyway due to the fundamental principle of free will!

I am left thinking that it comes down to faith in the process! That for every choice there is a consequence. We can try and let the people we care about see the consequences for their choices as we see it. They have the right to agree or disagree with us. But at the end of the day, the choice is still up to them and they face the consequence. Also, let’s not forget how we have come to appreciate, to know wisdom from those lessons learnt. It came from the other side of the pendulum. And by choice we swung the other way to joy. Stepping into the Circle of Influence also potentially cannot help the person learn what they need to. Something rather teach a man how to fish versus fishing for him! (some wise parables from the Bible)

I realize that we can be grateful and visualize and try our best to manifest the great in our lives. It implies a faith and trust in the Universe / God lovingly doing the necessary to bring you what you need when you need it! How contradictory is it that you are able to place faith in God for your life and its bliss but not for another’s life? Taking responsibility for someone’s life and choices really does say “I do not trust in the process” so let me get in there and take control of getting them what is good for them! It seems like such a block to a person that does such great work on themselves but rescues the rest of the world by living its life for it!

So with that I look to going back to basics. What is under my control versus what is in my influence! That for a choice there is a consequence that applies to all of us who possess free will. That I invest love and energy into the wisdom to tell the difference between control versus influence. And then it is about having a little faith in people and faith in the process of life.


Go well and strong . . . . . . . .

The Anatomy of Worthlessness!

Coal to Diamond

Specially dedicated to the teachings and wisdom of Louise L Hay and Angela Deutschmann.  Thank you!

I suspect that we all have had our fair share of feeling worthless! There are those moments in our lives where we cannot believe we are who we are! We cannot imagine how we could face a day and have the nerve to show our face to the world. When you look at your reflection you get sick, disgusted and cannot stand the sight! How could the world possibly not see it any different to what you can blatantly see?


I am amazed that no matter how far you progress in life, your pain still exists if not dealt with. As I get confirmation regularly at how limitless the universe is at creating opportunity for bliss, it is just as effective and limitless in the way it creates experiences to feel your pain if you hold onto it. And this cycle continues and continues as that is what you hold onto inside of you. I get it! I am always tempted to speak up when I hear people say “why me God, what did I do to deserve this?” I am dying to tell them that it is them hanging onto a pain!

So I added the theme of releasing worthlessness from my system to my mirror work. Just by simply affirming the following:

"I am willing to release worthlessness!"

has opened so many avenues, awareness and opportunity to step into dealing with my pain. I have come to understand how my culture, my parents, my family and my “then” interpretation of Christianity have played such a strong role in how I got hurt in the past. I am seeing how it all laid a foundation to make up the worthlessness I felt for just being me as I am!

With some help, I shone a light on my shadow and all the above became clear. I had some interesting conversations with my inner child to start observing how this all started piecing together. I could feel how it manifested in my body and had to live through the nausea and a physically weak body that just wanted to curl up and sleep till it was all over. I had to be brave to be in my vulnerability and be seen with all that self labeled ugliness I carried inside!

And then the magic of life happens as the beauty of Alchemy takes over! All that bad energy got transformed into something beautiful to my pleasant surprise . . . . . My Grandmother passes away. Being such a strong force within the family, it called for a huge gathering in her honor which put me in the middle of my culture, my family and Christianity. I cannot really explain the feeling of bliss I felt sitting there in my Gran’s memorial service. It was like I was experiencing everything for the first time as a being untouched by this world. There was such an innocence and purity in what I experienced.

The songs we sang from the old hymn books spoke of hope, trust in a higher force and surrender of desire to have it done for us! A far cry from be a good little boy and then God will decide reward you rather than punish you!

The prayer rituals finally spoke of remembering how great we are because we are divinely connected to such an awesome power, wisdom and intelligence and honoring that by simply remembering it as we go about life!

In my family, I saw what strength means in how they loved each other, their children and their heritage! I appreciated that no matter what, I was me and could be vulnerable and be sure that love was there to wrap around me. I did not feel the pull of a black hole but rather connection to something beautiful.

I understood the role my culture played in making we feel what I did when I was a teenager but I also realized the power of choice and that because I chose different, I got to experience different and that is it. Although I was raised in that culture and bought into it at some point in my life. When I found a deeper truth, I chose different and thus it is ok to come where I came from because where I go is determined by my choice.  I have proved that my choice track record has served my bliss and that is something special to celebrate and find comfort in!

So at this point I am Dangerously Happy and on a Happy Rush of note! Life can be the most fascinating thing ever when you start changing your position to situations, things, and experiences. I pray that you all have the opportunity to live your lives through new eyes as you step into and release your roles, your non serving beliefs, what the world expects and your pain!

Go Strong!

Love CB

The version of Truth you follow!

We all have have degrees of judgement within us.  We have the ability to take in what is in front of us, form an opinion based on all that we believe and make a conclusion.  What I truly find fascinating is how judgement to the world, people, situations are all a reflection of how we judge ourselves!  And on a deeper level, how knowing the truth of who we are has such significant influence on the degree of judgement we unleash on ourselves!

So what is this knowing truth mean for us?  Say someone came up to you and told you they thought you were a freak because you had bright blue skin!  Depending on your personality, the more or less bottom line would be to let that judgement bounce right off you as your truth is that your skin is definitely not bright blue so a freak you are not!  That is their issue in what they see and not yours.  Life goes on!  Your truth is strong, simple and unbreakable.  Your skin is not bright blue.  Simple as that!  The world can say what it may . . . . .

Now try on these ones on to see if they fit snuggly!  You are not worthy because your body is not perfect!  Sharing what you think is a sure way to show what an idiot you are!  Having X or Y makes you something!  I sense that for most, this hits a sore spot.  All those perfect bodies we see in magazines and on TV.  The lavish lifestyles of the reality stars we see on TV that  make our lives seem so non glamorous thus not worthy.  The constant comparing, envying the "happy" , "gorgeous" people who get all the luck, the best jobs, the money, the constant admirers and just the good life!

I will admit the above is more subtle and not as clear cut as someone telling you that your skin is bright blue!  But what for me what makes it tricky is that on some level, we have to believe there is an element of truth to it.  That is the only reason for me why we would buy into it, feel crap for not living up to it and end up concluding that we simply just not good enough as we are.

For the unaware, it drives behaviour to meet the goal.  So we diet, or punish our bodies with bad eating, or snip and cut it or simply give up on it and hide away.  When we realise that all we really after is acceptance and approval from ourselves, we have somewhere to start.  Then begins your journey to understand what is your truth.  Then begins your call to trust your truth and live by it.

I have realised that over time, I have come to accept my masculinity a bit deeper as the days go by.  Being gay was probably the easier part.  Feeling that as a man I was worthy was the bigger issue for me.  So judgement of others for me being different hurt.  It hurt so bad because I believed those judgements to be true.  My inner harsh voice, was being amplified and echoed by the outside world. 

It was when I decided to start looking at what it meant to be a man, that I started seeing my value as a person.  That the definition of man handed to me by my parents, my community, even my closest and dearest friends was not the definition that I felt was the one that fitted me.  And so I decided to understand what it meant to be a great man for myself and now that I am getting comfortable with that truth, my judgement of me is lightening up.

So I understand, that to really be ok with being judged means that you get ok with your truth.  By knowing your truth, you love yourself as you are more which really leaves no space for judgement.  I now see how this is applying to the lesson of Wiseman Nos 7.  There is a truth to knowing the beauty of my body.  I am still unpacking it and have my blocks that need my love and patience.  But I get that for me to be loved and accepted physically for who I am, it starts with my willingness to release judgement on my body as it is now.  It is freakin hard and I have soooooo much resistance to releasing it but I see the first step.  The willingness to release the judgement and simply take it from there . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Begin to open the door to knowing your truth.  It goes a long way to help you love yourself and release all that self imposed judgement we can so easily rake up!  At the end of the day, you really need to ask which version of the truth you follow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . that of your core soul or the world's?

I am the soul that lives within . . . . . .

In honour of dealing with judgement whether self imposed or by the world.  I have found this song for all to enjoy.  I love how it speaks to knowing that all you are is the soul within!  And by knowing that you understand that your soul knows and is truth!  And when you know truth and you have the courage to trust it, JUDGEMENT has no power when up against that truth. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Recognise the Value in You!

What are those moments where you truly value who you are?  I can safely say that I have truly felt it when I and no one else have that moment where you say to yourself.  I am worth it, I am good, I am great, I am adequate, I am enough!  The world simply disappears for a few seconds and all you have is that moment where you feel like a star radiating brightly with a beaming smile and a hot step as you go about life!

Then you forget!

I have often wondered what makes the difference to those people that have a life that starts working after some choices they make?  I know quite a few of them in my life today.  They have these shifts (mental, emotional or beliefs) that cause their self concept to take on a new dimension and to see the change in their lives is simply fascinating to witness.  (So thank to them for the inspiration they give me).  But from what I have witnessed, it really is a process of feeling your way through it.  It is engaging all of you in the process.  Your mind, heart, your senses and feeling your way to the result.  In the journey you learn the feeling and voice that gets you to a place.  But easier said than done!

I know one of the pillars of the journey is the ability to recognise the value within you! To truly appreciate you as you are now in the moment.  No accolades to your name, no achievements, no amazing man loving you, or people worshipping or looking up to you, no kids that instinctively just look to you as their "good" example! Simply you as you are in the moment right now! 

Can you simply recognise the value you hold simply by just sitting where you are now doing nothing but breathing?

For me, there is a definite journey to get to that place just described above.  And at some point in my life, I figured grand gestures would get me there.  So there I was being the avid student researching and doing all these spiritual workshops and playing  big by being on spiritual groups, stepping into pain and surrendering to some processes I would not have normally put myself through had I  not opened my mind. 

But then you forget!

I feel that those grand gestures have their place and they are important but for me now as I moved through pain, bliss and seeing some shifts within myself , I now see that it is the practical, making it real for your life stuff that counts.  Hence my blog.  My intention is to share that a everyday boy who happens to be gay, a budding leader for a huge corporate, a son, a  big brother to amazing siblings, a follower, a creature of desire, can change his life to be one he loves and enjoys by listening, being aware and making inspired choices!  That is the essence of what I want to communicate to all that are willing to read and take note!

Anyhoo!

Moving back to making this count for your life.  How do you recognise your value in your everyday life?  It comes from all angles in how your friends treat you, your kids, your parents, your colleagues, complete strangers which are all a reflection of the value rating you give yourself as that lays the platform for what you allow to happen and how it impacts you.  It is in the opportunities / challenges that lay before you and call for you to be present and ride the wave.  How you see the situation (opportunity/challenge), your internal mental chatter (what you actually saying) to yourself while you in it), your eventual choice and how you live with the consequence. They all reflect how you recognise your value!

Feel your way to recognising your value!    Love me!