I am not sure if I can convey how I am understanding it currently but will give a try . . . .
Firstly, I have realised that vulnerability is not equated to loving someone or someone loving you. For me, being vulnerable is sharing who you are unedited, no glass, no shields, just you STRIPPED! Yes there is a degree of you having the courage to drop the camouflage and being in the reality of who you are in that moment, but it is an act of sharing the real you in a moment not the full you, but just who you are in that moment. It does not mean you love the person or the person loves you who shares. It is comfort to let down your guard and that is all it is!
Then there is the realisation that we are all human with our perfection, talents and our flaws. We will always take on information through our lenses, our judgment and our reference. And seeing that we are all not in a position of knowing all aspects of truth, the room to misinterpret and misunderstand exists. And because the assumption is that we are understood, the expectation comes that the other person now cares and takes responsibility for some of our well being and happiness. So there is a trust in something "sacred" , "stable" and "unshakable". But is it really? Putting trust in another human being with their own path, pain and misunderstandings? Is the room for hurt not a guarantee with the above formula?
Because that is where the hurt comes in. We realise that we are misunderstood and that the person's version of caring is not the definition we expected them to live by and act upon to make us happy. And so we have our trust shattered and we question the safety of the relationship, the comfort of being loved, the security of being taken care of by another and the taking a break from doing the work for ourselves to be happy!
When I could cry no more after feeling all that disappointment and pain, I realised that I all really wanted was to be taken care of. Having something wiser, bigger, stronger and all together take care of me, guide me and protect me. It's not going to be a human. And this is where I see the power of faith in God/Universe/The Higher Power. By trusting and having faith in that and looking to see how it works for your higher good, how can we consider trusting all that to a human? I am seeing time should be spent understanding just how powerful and all knowing this Higher Power is and that I play a role by allowing myself to access this wisdom through the experiences I face.
I believe interaction with each other people serve to strengthen our understanding of ourselves and our journey. I am beginning to see how vulnerability is about truth coming out in its rawest form. In coal form as I would like to see. As you feel your way through it and allow yourself to experience the situation of getting that raw truth visible, the opportunity to work into a diamond exists.
Being vulnerable helps to check in on the truth you hold to give you an opportunity to choose differently. It does not mean that the person you are vulnerable with takes the responsibility of the choices you need to make in order to get your happiness. That ownership stays with you. I am now see how easily I confuse being vulnerable with someone come with an expectation that they will take responsibility for my choice to do the work to get my bliss. Reverse it as well. Someone is vulnerable with me, I take responsibility to do the work to get them their bliss!
It's a true gift indeed. Realising how I was outsourcing my work to a man to make me happy! Just some thoughts on vulnerability. Would love to hear what it means to you out there?
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