Fem Fatale! Queen Deluxe! Love em or Hate em?

pi

Moffie! Queen! Those were the words that really cut through me at some point in my life.  Whenever some perceived cruel person who utter them to me, I felt like the worst piece of human scum that roamed the earth!  It meant me being a freak, being a monster and just not being someone that deserved a place in the sun like the rest of the normal human beings.

I can just imagine what a challenge it is for some young people out there seeing what is evident on the outside and how the inside differs from that.  As we see in a butch girl and a camp/feminine boy!  I mean I can just imagine what turmoil there must be trying to figure out how you should be and how you should act just to be left alone to breathe and have a place under the sun.

I get it because this topic has really challenged me quite a bit in the past.  How real a man am I really when I have the flamboyant expression down pat, the wrist that can eloquently add drama to what I say, my other mannerisms and dress sense that require people to do a double take to just make sure they seeing something different than the norm out in public!  Down to my parents and especially my Dads who for some reason just could not handle this little freak who looked like a boy but on all other accounts behaved like the perfect daddy's girl!

So in dealing with this pain of what makes a true man, I have had growing fascination at how masculine and feminine energy inhabit us as individuals.  It really shifts how I see the traditional male and female role.  I find the shift moving towards the concept of coming back to the individual and their make up of how the male and female energy co-exists within them.  It comes down to a matter of energies displayed regardless of the human body they inhabit!

What is clear to me is that both are required as they the aim is that they co-exist and compliment each other rather than compete and go to war with each other.  From where I stand, it seems easier for our Hetro pals to get the synergy of the blending of female and male energy versus our gay pals.  From reading up on it, the common themes exis belowt:

The Male Energy is defined as outward, hard, firm, logical, strong, rational, rough, loud.  And the Female Energy is described as receptive, intuitive, inward, sensitive, delicate, emotional, nurturing. 

Masculinity has its good and bad points which include : protective, eagerness, outwardly helpful, harsh, overly competitive and violent.  So does Femininity which includes : openess, being receptive, listening, nurturing, being weak, insecure, tentative and needy

When I look at the above traits/themes,  I can see how at work and with my immediate family, I comfortably inhabit a powerful masculine energy and with my friends and in romance I shift to strong female energy.   And with that comes the pros and cons.  I get significant results/outcomes in the work I do and with my leadership style that make me so successful but I am known to be cold, indifferent and hardcore!  I am considered very loyal, reliable and understanding to those in my intimate circles but on some occasions seen as weak, needy and insecure.

I am realising more and  more, that it is all about balancing the energies and approaching various aspects of life from that balanced perspective.  So amen that I am in a male's body that functions in a very healthy way.  I do believe that I privilege the Female Energy characteristics a whole lot better as I have judged them as superior to the Male Energy characteristics.  I do believe there is room to invite the masculine energy to be present in more of the various aspects of life.  So ofcourse, there is definitely room for more balance.

So this is dedicated to my sisters out there.   Do you and Do it Proudly.  You have all you need in you to shine bright and be yourself and be happy! Mwah! 

Be open to let that inner butchness have a space to exist with the royalty as well. ;)

You Are Always Equipped To Be Bigger Than The Moment You Are In!

Recent events this week made me realise how quickly we can discount our power and greatness as we let a moment get bigger and mightier than us to a point where we are overwhelmed.  Today I simply remember that :

We are equipped with the all the necessary to be bigger than any moment we find ourselves in.  It is a matter of letting our greatness flow through!

I love the above pic as it has the ocean.  With all its power and it simply flows!  That is kind of power we can tap into we simply allow it to flow through us.  Today I recognise that gift in us all!

Confusing the Message with the Messenger!

It is one of the 101's of happiness.  You make yourself happy first!  You are the only one that can truly make yourself happy!  The minute you outsource this to another person, you are destined for anxiety, stress, fear and pain.  The reason being rather simple.  You cannot control another person in what they think, believe, feel and ultimately action.

I was reminded of this in the last week based on a wobbly I had with the current Wiseman Nos 7 in my life.  For a while, I was comfortable that he represented what I desired of a man and that he was a constant reminder of what I wanted to enjoy in a regular encounter with a man.  Somehow, there was a shift from me feeling all good and happy just simply enjoying the experience to it becoming about him being the source of my happiness in the men / relationship space.  And so came the desperation, the neediness, the anxiety and the depression!

I realised how easy it was to slip into making someone other than ourselves responsible for our happiness when it comes to those special people in our lives that we get so much great from.  If we are not careful to keep ourselves in check and honest with what we truly feeling, we end up very easily confusing the message of love, joy and happiness with the messenger.  Thus the messenger ends up being the source of our love, happiness and joy. 

I forgot about the essence of the message with Wiseman Nos 7.  The opportunity to build and share intimacy with someone at their core versus on physical appearance alone.  That truly knowing and loving someone is bigger than what they look like.  That being sexy is bigger than what reflects back from a mirror, that sexy is a state of mind and being!  Getting that confused with the messenger meant that the truth of what Wiseman Nos 7 was teaching me was not burning bright within myself.  It was more me only feeling that with him around.  That is simply dangerous!

So today, I share with you all to look at the source of your happiness, joy and love.  May you have the awareness and courage to see the difference between the true message and keep that separate from the messenger! 

I am not saying it is an easy thing to do but a fruitful one when you can tell the difference.  You then have a choice to embody the message and not expect the messenger to do that work for you!  I am starting to see it and now I know the work required is to simply be brave to let go of the messenger and hold onto the message and allow it to take root in me and burn bright.

Be Blessed!

LadyBugs! Lots of LadyBugs!

I love LadyBugs!  My love for them came oneday when I was watching Under the Tuscan Sun.  One of my all time favourite movies.  I love how the character went through changes after peeling away layer after layer of pain.  There was one scene where she was getting some insight on the art of allowing. 

The Story was about a little girl who wanted to catch some lady bugs.  She would search all day long.  And then she got tired, she simply slept in the garden and when she woke up, she was covered in LadyBugs.

So the moral of the story is that when you let go and simply let the flow of life surround you, you get what you need. LadyBugs, Lots of LadyBugs. 

Yesterday, I encountered 2 LadyBugs, one in the morning perching on my Iron and then a diamond one that one of my dearest friends was wearing last night.  This made me all happy.  Simply a sign of allowing and me being in flow with life.  I discovered this technique a month ago after reading Rhonda Byrne's "The Power".  Found it a fascinating practice of hers, so I simply put it out there a month ago.  The proof showed up yesterday.  LOL!

So my advise.  Get a sign to remind you of when you in flow with life and simply allowing the great into it.  We all need these gentle reminders now and again as we can get so easily distracted from what is important.  I never thought I could see more than 1 LadyBug in a day.  But I did.  So give a try!  It's fun if anything else.

The eye of the Beholder! It's all Relative

I am reminded today that what is seen is seen through the lenses of the Beholder.  The beholder has their filters, prejudice, pain and short circuits that influence the picture through the lens.  No 2 people can ever see in the same way!  So when you add the following topics on the table like "How sexy am I" or "My hotness factor" or even "I am sooo lovable", it's all relative really and in the eye of the Beholder. 

For it speaks volumes to the limitless opportunities out there of what is sexy, beautiful, hot or lovable!  I realised this today after another amazing Wiseman Nos 7 experience.  There are simply limitless ways in how you can be seen as sexy or lovable. 

So the bottom line : Choose the version of truth that you believe and that feeds your soul.  That version being you seeing yourself as sexy / lovable!  Because with all that limitlessness out there, there is bound to be someone that will see it the same way!  And when that alignment happens!  The word that comes to mind is DELICIOUS!

Vulnerability is NOT an act of declaring your love for someone!

I spent some time this morning crying my heart out!  The simplest form of the story.  I put my trust in a man, he disappointed me and it hurt me in the process.  And all because I expected some form of caring and responsibility from someone other than myself.  I can easily connect this to my Daddy Issues of trusting a man who should know better and not have to question him taking care of me.  But I am reminded that vulnerability is merely a gateway to get closer to seeing how comfortable you are with the truth you hold onto!

I am not sure if I can convey how I am understanding it currently but will give a try . . . .

Firstly, I have realised that vulnerability is not equated to loving someone or someone loving you.  For me, being vulnerable is sharing who you are unedited, no glass, no shields, just you STRIPPED!  Yes there is a degree of you having the courage to drop the camouflage and being in the reality of who you are in that moment, but it is an act of sharing the real you in a moment not the full you, but just who you are in that moment.  It does not mean you love the person or the person loves you who shares.  It is comfort to let down your guard and that is all it is!

Then there is the realisation that we are all human with our perfection, talents and our flaws.  We will always take on information through our lenses, our judgment and our reference.  And seeing that we are all not in a position of knowing all aspects of truth, the room to misinterpret and misunderstand exists.  And because the assumption is that we are understood, the expectation comes that the other person now cares and takes responsibility for some of our well being and happiness.  So there is a trust in something "sacred" , "stable" and "unshakable".  But is it really?  Putting trust in another human being with their own path, pain and misunderstandings?  Is the room for hurt not a guarantee with the above formula?

Because that is where the hurt comes in.  We realise that we are misunderstood and that the person's version of caring is not the definition we expected them to live by and act upon to make us happy.  And so we have our trust shattered and we question the safety of the relationship, the comfort of being loved, the security of being taken care of by another and the taking a break from doing the work for ourselves to be happy!

When I could cry no more after feeling all that disappointment and pain, I realised that I all really wanted was to  be taken care of.  Having something wiser, bigger, stronger and all together take care of me, guide me and protect me.  It's not going to be a human.  And this is where I see the power of faith in God/Universe/The Higher Power.  By trusting and having faith in that and looking to see how it works for your higher good, how can we consider trusting all that to a human?  I am seeing time should be spent understanding just how powerful and all knowing this Higher Power is and that I play a role by allowing myself to access this wisdom through the experiences I face.

I believe interaction with each other people serve to strengthen our understanding of ourselves and our journey.  I am beginning to see how vulnerability is about truth coming out in its rawest form.  In coal form as I would like to see.  As you feel your way through it and allow yourself to experience the situation of getting that raw truth visible, the opportunity to work into a diamond exists.

Being vulnerable helps to check in on the truth you hold to give you an opportunity to choose differently.  It does not mean that the person you are vulnerable with takes the responsibility of the choices you need to make in order to get your happiness.  That ownership stays with you.  I am now see how easily I confuse being vulnerable with someone come with an expectation that they will take responsibility for my choice to do the work to get my bliss.  Reverse it as well.  Someone is vulnerable with me, I take responsibility to do the work to get them their bliss!

It's a true gift indeed.  Realising how I was outsourcing my work to a man to make me happy!  Just some thoughts on vulnerability.  Would love to hear what it means to you out there?