Having Authentic Power In Relationships

We all want to feel special and revel in the idea that we matter.  You can say what you want and deny it all you want but that is the truth.  Deep down we all want to feel like we matter!  So how does this all come together in relationships?  From my experience, there are very few relationships I admire and the ones I do admire seem to have that balance of the people being in their own power.

But there are those relationships where one person has the upper hand.  And the upper hand can be youth, sex appeal, hotness, money, influence, wisdom etc.  Essentially it is something that the other person feels they are missing or have a huge void in their current life that is replaced by that person being in their life.

In this episode Carrie struggles with the concept of using her sexually to get ahead.  She dates a guy that mistakes her for a professional and leaves her some money after a night out with her.  Miranda however was still doing her "sex-thang" with Skipper and he was pining away hopelessly obsessed with her.  You could also see the way she treated him that she had the power in the relationship and by the looks of how she reacted to Carrie's situation, probably believes that she should have the power in the relationship and under no circumstances would she ever give it up!  Poor her and poor Skipper.

Again, this comes back to the concept of FAIR EXCHANGE in a relationship.  There is a reality out there where what you give naturally and effortlessly is of value and loved by someone else.  What they give naturally and effortlessly is of value and loved by yourself.  That does exist in this world and I see that in the relationships I admire so much.

I feel having true power in a relationship is not necessarily staying exactly who you are and keeping that single version of you.  I believe it is the willingness to step into a new version or layer of yourself.  A deeper, open, wiser you that has deeper understanding and perspective as part of a partnership.  True authentic power in a relationship is never losing touch with the truth that you are responsible for being happy and that you chose joy for yourself and not your partner.  It means that you live each day taking next steps that are joyful to you and in so, that effortlessly and naturally brings joy to that of your partner.  It is stepping into the contrast of disagreements, dealing with insecurity and working through pain that you can revel in the peace of the other side and grow with your partner to a new layer of yourself.

I do see that most people cannot see that as a reality but I have seen some of my closest and dearest friends achieve that kind of partnership.  And the secret is them stepping into a new layer of who they are.

So don't be afraid to look at the new layer of you calling you to experience yourself deeper.  It may be scary but what have you got to lose staying in the miserable state of where you are currently. That state of power in your relationship is not authentic!