5 Things From JHB Pride 2011

It was Johannesburg Pride this past weekend.  And I will admit, it was an awesome pride and one that I will remember.  There was something special in the air.  I believe that the shifts I  made of late have gone a long way to helping me enjoy it for what it is.  Here are some moments / thoughts / feelings I experienced:

1. It was a very chilled pride.  Relaxed and just everyone on that "go with the flow" vibe.  It was an interesting amazing energy
2. I hung out with some very cool men.  They were intelligent, honest and naughty.  Gotta love that!  I see the potential for some very good gay friendships which is awesome
3. The Fireman's ball was good.  Partying is just not my scene anymore.  I am sooooooo a dinner party great wine, great conversation type of guy
4. Awkward moment!  You realise in your circle of friends, that there is the one guy you went on a date with and "he just was not into you" and now you need to hang out with him and his new man!  More Awkard, he does not recognise you or remembers your name.  What is awesome! You  realise the more you are clear on what you want, the perspective that comes from bumping into men it did not work out with is amazing.  You realise it is for the better that you are not with him.  Yay!
5. Every pride is an opportunity to be happy with your fellow boyz and take in the shifts and changes you have been through and that life can be good when you allow it.  We have come a long way with gay rights and that is worth celebrating.  Yay!

5 Things About The Perfect Man & Perfect Relationship

I was at a Dr Demartini talk not too long ago.  There was something big that he shared that got me thinking about life differently.  I love it when those experiences come along when you are  invited to look at life differently.  Anyhoo  . . . . . .

He spoke about this concept that whatever you desire is already in your life, it is just a matter of recognizing the form it is in!  That is huge as it means that you are never lacking anything, it is just in a form that you do not see or understand.  So naturally, I asked myself about where my current perfect man for me has manifested?  To protect privacy, I cannot give too much away but currently, the perfect man for me is split into 3!  An amazing man (someone I truly admire), another sexy man (a sexy friend)  and my MacBook.  Hehehehehe 

Let's say, I now understand why it is difficult for one man to step into my boyfriend role!

Here are 5 things to honor my current manifestation of MY MAN!

1. I get to have the most amazing conversations and get to just be me and share in the most amazing ways. They are not afraid to just be themselves and vulnerable with me and know that I still see them as strong and amazing
2. I get to laugh and can go on a great journey with them.  Everytime I get to spend with them is an adventure
3. It sexiness at its best.  They are settled in themselves and have such a great vision of their world.  They know how to have fun and just live a good life and be in their skin.  It is inspiring
4. I still get to maintain my independence and be myself.  I don't feel like I lose myself and I get to be the crazee that I am known for around them and they are so ok with that ;)
5. There are tough times and there are disagreements and judgement calls on what I could work on to be better but somehow I manage get over my fears and insecurities and work it with them and continue my strong connection with them

5 Things About The Boep!

The infamous Boep.  For most men who don't look after themselves as they should, the boep does get to a point of simply getting in the way in more ways than one.  I have been so wrapped up in work that I am neglecting me in a big way and as a result, my boep has grown!  I am not surprised and just need to get back to balance again!

1. Yes it is all about what you eat.  I cannot even begin to get out of that with any other story but that it comes down to what you eat
2. On a spiritual level, excess fat is protection or something to get your attention.  I feel for me, it is me going into my one dimensional mode again that life is all work and hence my boep alarm is going off again
3. Johannesburg does not know how to transition into summer, so the heat is upping fast and the winter clothes no longer offer protection.  So it's exposure of what has gestated over the winter months.  Eeeeeeeeek!
4. It's uncomfortable!  But what other way to get one's attention to take note of a message
5. It too shall pass!  A boep is temporary and can go away.  Yay for that!

5 Things That Are Different When You Are Older



I have been sleep deprived for the past few days and I can honestly say that I am not as young as I used to be.  Being in the IT Project Industry has its demands on one. An IT system never sleeps and simply expects you to keep up with it.  The super long hours and driving myself to work hard is taking it's toll. The bounce back is not as easy as it used to be.  It truly is a different perspective from when you were in your 20's.  The difference is :

1. You can literally see how a bad lifestyle or neglecting yourself manifests on your body and face!  Eeeeeeeeeek!  All I will say is strong, super hectic eye cream!
2. Sleep is a dear friend and you really miss it when it is not around
3. You ask yourself if it is worth it with higher frequency than when you were younger
4. There are really not that many people as before that you want to impress and it starts becoming about spending time where you believe gives you the greatest value
5. Drawing boundaries and saying NO for the right reasons is more evident than ever

5 Things From LIfe As It Is . . .

Life has been super duper crazy and somehow it has all come together for me to have a space to be me and count my blessings.  I am happy and that is what counts.  Mwah!

1. When you ask for Universal support in any of your ventures, you will be pleasantly surprised at how effortlessly success will come together for you.  You will always seem to be in the right place at the right time to do the right thing and get awesome results.  The list of how this has happened in my life is long and makes me feel so blessed ;)
2. Cherish the people that allow a space for healing and beautiful conversation and connection.  Soooooo good to get a dose of that this past weekend
3. It is awesome to re-create a healthier version of your sinful food pleasures!  I have been able to perfect my own chicken strips and spinach, "the burger" and omelette!  Love it!
4. Scored a wedding invite this year and very happy to be attending a wedding.  Always a treat to celebrate love!
5. Spring is rolling into Johannesburg and the air is thick with new beginnings.  Yay!

5 Things From Life As It Is Now

1. Why is there not a national man's day?  Don't men also need to be celebrated?
2. Sundried Lavender Incense sticks simply make the house smell divine
3. The right fat free yoghurt with some spices actually is a great substitute for mayo.  I was pleasantly surprised
4. When will 3 day weekends be a reality?  Hint Hint
5. So the iPhone is the way to go for me.  Finally made the decision!  Yay, cannot wait to get one . . . 

Tribute To Kylie

It is Kylie Minogue weekend in Johannesburg South Africa.  Yay!  I am amazed at how long and successful her career has been.  She has battled cancer and she is back with a bang.  I love how she has kept her energy and beauty shining bright.  Here is to Kylie.  An inspiration and rocker of note.  I am off to a weekend away with good friends and Kylie.  I am excited to just relax and enjoy the fun that is there to be had.

Rock it darlins!

Change Is The Only Constant

Change can be a scary concept for most.  Your sense of safety and trust in something constant can get shaken and removed and that looming feeling of loss or a place to safely land seems no where near in sight.  It makes sense why there is panic, anxiety and fear.  Then the need to control comes along and we all know how controlling people can be!

For the first time in a long time, I have been feeling positive anticipation!  I can see the signs of all the internal shifts that have occurred over the past few months start showing up in my life.  And I am beginning to surrender to those and allowing them to be.  It is exciting and scary!

I invite you to start raising awareness to what is shifting in your life physically and beginning to open yourself to what happened internally in your life.  Don't kill yourself you draw the link.  Simply give your awareness to that and trust that you will get an answer.  Be aware of what life decisions or life themes you have now bought into.  What stories have you let go of.  These could be small or big ones.  Be aware of big and small changes in your physical life.  

It could be the overhaul the landscapers have done to your neighborhood that have now changed your surroundings, people enter or leave your life, a change to your role or focus workwise, you see someone or some people in a new light, you have a deeper breakthrough with someone you hold dear, something happens and you realise that it no longer stings or hurts like it used to . . . . . .   The list can go on!

I amazed even to this day how the internal decisions we make to love ourselves more, or let go of limiting stories or embrace a new idea to see life can ripple out and one can draw the link.  It is encouraging to me that this internal work stuff does actually work and that life is this canvas I can paint with anything I truly want.  It is very awesome to realise the power I have to simply be happy.

So if there is a constant stream of change in your life, you can be sure that something inside has shifted or is shifting to cause that physical reflection of change.  You simply need to be open to making the link between what internal choice you have made and how it rippled out into the world  to be experienced by you.

Raise your awareness to this idea and life will work in its way to answer it for you.  Good luck and excited to hear what your answers are!  If you feel the need or are comfortable to share with me , please do!  Look forward to reading it . . . 

2011 : LIfe As It Is Now

I have not written one of these in a long time.  Blogging for me is a fine line of what is considered sharing that enriches others versus sharing to misuse this wonderful platform of expression.  So here is some feedback on my life as a result of living through inspired action!

Day by Day I am embracing the theme of Ignite and Burn Brightly.  It is being aware of what brings me pleasure and bliss, what brings me pain and heaviness and shining my flame to that so that I can see it, feel it, deepen my understanding and then simply choose what is next for me!  I feel a definite shift where I am living more each day to deal with what is in front of me and embracing what it allows me to see and choose for my life.  This is allowing shifts and movement in so many areas:

Intimacy : I am finding such a pureness and trueness coming out in my life.  I have found a group of people where I can express the metaphysical side of things.  What a joy!  I am finding that my leadership style is taking on a truer interaction at work.  I am learning and healing in ways I could have never imagined.  I can feel deep down that a space has opened, a vacuum of love, a sacred space where I am more than ok to allow someone to flow into it and be themselves and journey with me.  That is the best way I can describe what I am feeling.

Being of Service : I get that I have lots to learn about me and some concepts before I can truly be effective in this space of giving that adds value to another.  I realise that I have to release a sense of selfishness and the idea that giving of myself depletes me.  So one day, I would like to truly give that empowers and adds value to another's life but until then, I learn and grow my maturity to be in a strong empowered position to do that.

Immediate Environment Supports Desire : I see it more clearly than ever.  I am in a space where the energy of my living spaces impact me that I can start feeling what it does for me.  There is a strong pull to create a beautiful space in the bedroom and a sacred workspace to create!  So I start with some decor and renovation to enable that

Learn A New Craft : I do not believe that I have created a space for this to happen as yet.  I have soooo much going on just settling what is currently on my plate.  So I get the feeling that this will come when it needs to.  I can say that I am back to reading again.  So I am finding reading a pleasure as it used to be before my TV addiction took over!

People That Matter : I have found a that I am getting into a space with people where we can share a positive view on this world.  My conversations are definitely moving to one where we examine our position to life and the subjects.  That is such an empowering way to chat.  The healing and inspiration is amazing from that kind of dialogue.

Feeling What Needs Feeling : I have been up and down on this one.  But I am not as a afraid as I used to be to drop into the feeling and let it be felt.  It is amazing that emotions are just that.  To be felt and then they dissolve and you uncover something very precious that lies beneath them.  I have found some priceless wisdom on how I see the world, the story I tell myself that does not serve me in any way and the opportunity to let it go.

Less Self Conscious, More In The Zone : Shooooo!  The universe is giving me enough opportunity to practice this.  Somedays I am up for it, somedays I run away.  But I am happy that I am more in the space of trying it out more than running away.  That is progress which is such a blessing.  You will be amazed at how this gets in the way of you truly being the moment to soak up all its lessons, understanding and bliss!

The above has allowed my workspace to take me higher and stronger than I could have ever imagined.  The things I get to do are truly amazing.  I will admit that I am blessed when I look at my work and the empowerment and influence I have.  My prosperity is abundant and one where I do not have to worry about like I used to in the past.  My romantic relationships are picking up and that is awesome.  It is about time I got to know some special men and settle with a great one.  My family life is strong and full of love.  I am also more at ease and in love with who is in the mirror and that is probably the biggest blessing I could ask for.

Go Strong and with love
CB

Some images found at  wickedgayblog

Wiseman 7 dot Chocolate

This has been an interesting twist of late but I have had this interesting attraction to chocolate!  Usually, pink and lack of sunkissed skin have been true winners for me but there has been a shift and a new dimension has entered the mix.  The dawn of indulging in some hot chocolate!

So it is like someone asked to notice all the blue in my world.  And the mind picks up the blue in everything I would come across such as a car, a item of clothing, buildings etc.  So it is with hot chocolate.  I am seeing it all over.  So no idea what it all means but will simply go with the feeling.  It feels good and that is enough of a indicator to dive in!

Wiseman Nos 7 takes on a pleasant and interesting twist!  My Dating card has opened up in a whole new way!  Lol!

Sometimes, It is about someone loving you despite yourself!

This christmas I am reminded of the greatest gift that I could ever receive.  Just to be loved despite myself!  Just experiencing someone who loves you from a greater understanding, a bigger picture and simply asks and expects nothing more than the happiness that pours out of you.  I am blessed to experience this and I send the hugest thank you to my Family and my dearest Friends!  


Here is to ROCKING LOVE!  xoxo

I LOVE JHB!

It seems my love for Johannesburg grows more towards the end of every year.  Johannesburg over the festive season is a dream.  Traffic dies down as most of the people migrate to the coast.  The city's beauty comes out more as you are not distracted by the road rage you get dealing with each other, you actually drive in calm state and can actually take in the beauty of the city.  Johannesburg is a rather green city.  Not your typical concrete jungle that one would expect.  So I have found myself loving Johannesburg in the past few weeks leading up to xmas.

So made some little changes the past 2 weeks that made a huge difference to my life.  I have decided to get a personal PC and leave all the work stuff only on the work PC.  Amen!  I present the holiday gear.  On the left, is the necessities for my trip and on the right is all the work stuff that will be staying in Johannesburg as I embark on some well deserved time to me.  Yay!  Notice the snazzy new bag I got for my Personal PC.  Always feel like working it on the runway when I have that bag.  hehehehehehe



I decided this year to try out the new public transport provided to us.  One of the great successes of the recent 2010 World Cup was the creation of the Gautrain.  What a wonderful public transport system.  All I can say is well done from someone is simply PROUDLY SOUTH AFRICAN!

The bus was divine.  Different not driving.  For my non South African readers, this is novel as we have to drive everywhere in SA.  But a beautiful air-conditioned bus.  Was reminded of being in London when I was on this bus.

Touch down at OR Thambo, Johannesburg after a pleasant trip on the Gautrain.  Is it not just a sexy beast.  I  never thought I would see the day that I would be using public transport in South Africa.  Truly something to be proud of.







So I was just in the mood to share the love I was having for the city I live in.  I am really looking forward to the holidays this year for some reason.  I just got that good feeling.  Enjoy your festive season for those who are taking time off.

xoxo

Tit Bit : I am in my HAPPY place!

Lately I have been very much in a place of Happy Rushes and one of flowing Gratitude! I certainly was not going to be one that would dismiss what I was feeling and simply I am just going with it. There is much that is evident in my life that I am simply happy with and be grateful for! I give it a space to be as I recognise how amazingly blessed I am.

.......................... Wiseman Nos 3 and all the bad that came with him now has its place and I feel free of it like I could have never imagined. My need to get his validation has decreased so significantly that I can be the best me with him around even though he judges it, I am ok with being the real me! That is something I jump around joyfully about! I am me and that is ok!.......................

.......................... My new project truly one where I feel connected to something higher and special. I believe that I am in a place where I lead transformation not only of a business but people. I see  people that are now inspired to know their truths and are taking the steps to be that. And in some cases that is because they have dealt with me and want to get that "magic" I have replicated their lives. I am honored to be apart of that movement. My boss is the best boss in the world. As I am to my people in that loving, truthful manner, so is he to me. I am grateful for his belief, support and nurturing way with me. He and I are going to do some pretty special stuff in the industry which excites me in a big way .............................

................................ My Family is becoming a blessed one where we are having blessed experiences. As I drop my shackles, I feel it is allowing them to drop theirs and be free from what holds them back. My siblings and parents are seeing light at the end of some very dark tunnels. I am happy for them and understand how loving God can be when I see their life experiences. They needed what happened to them to allow them to make their decisions to move their lives forward. There is light for me in understanding how my need for taking responsibility for their lives had an arrogance within myself and disregard for the great that is God! I can feel a shift where that "black hole" feeling of being linked to my hometown, my culture and family is taking on a pride and beauty ...........................................

……………………... I am slowly shifting into a healthier relationship with food. The need for control and diet is decreasing and making space for a more organic intuitive way of getting in touch with good food and eating was is good for me. I am finding that as I am making peace with my body as it is and loving it, so do my eating habits adjust to serve me positively. My biggest lesson to date is the power of a regulated blood sugar levels and how is lays a foundation of less and less binge eating. It also lays a platform for you to listen to what you really want versus a binge crave caused by an imbalanced sugar level. Truly fascinating stuff! I am just happy that I am slowly but surely landing back in my body…………………..



So a huge THANKS to my Guardian Angels and God. I am being hooked up in a way that is going beyond my fondest dreams. So let it be! Amen!

Tit Bit : Life as it is now - Part 2

It has been sooooooooooo long since I have poured thoughts and feelings into my blog.  There have been a number of reasons. My internet access has been taken away.  There has been some account mix up and clearing up what needs to happen was not at easy as it seems. So I have no internet outside of work currently until I get this account mix up fixed.  I also went on holiday which meant no internet as well.

This was a blessing in disguise as I got in touch with my journaling.  I could go to some really dark places and get into what was in there.  I do not believe expressing via my blog would have helped me in this case.  And it is good to know that I am the person I am first of which Crazeebee Livin is a part of.  But nourishing and looking after that person allows me the inspiration to keep Crazeebee Livin alive and well.

So no, I have not disappeared just had some technical difficulties that will hopefully be resolved quickly.  I have managed to blog offline and will attempt to post those soon enough.  Just know for now that I have opened to some dark parts to myself, had the best time ever at a quaint little beach town and begin my big adventure which is my brand new project on Monday.

Will be in touch.  Just some loving I am sending to you.

Mwah!

Tit Bit : Life as it is now . . . . . take 1. . . . .

I, Crazeebee . . . . ..

. . . . . . am wrapping up things on my current project. Bitter sweet as I can see my Legacy of what I have accomplished. I can see the bright future of the project that I am now walking away from. I am leaping into a brand new project as its new leadership. I will be responsible for a large amount of people and painting a vision for them to deliver. In the normal scheme of things, in the next 2 years would have seen this happen. It is now in front of me earlier than what was expected and I am jumping in. . . . . .

. . . . . . am gearing up for a mini break away! I will be spending time in the warm KZN area in South Africa by the ocean. This is the east coast of South Africa. I can feel the need for the ocean’s healing properties and anchoring that I am connected to greatness, wisdom and limitless opportunities and blessings . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . am having a little, intimate birthday celebration for my birthday on the 21st July. There will be some old familiar pals and some new additions to the circle. One them being the current Wiseman Nos 8 in my life! Hehehehehehehe. His humor and wit would be soooooo welcome at my party. I love the fact that I get to enjoy the bonds in my life. And that is what at the end of the day makes my Birthday so special. I get to celebrate the bonds I have that allow for honest healing interaction with some very special people . . . . . . . .

. . . . . .have picked up weight again! I guess the penny has still not dropped for me! When you obsessively control an aspect, the minute you breathe and set it free, you will need to swing to the other side before you settle on the happy middle ground. The “pendulum” effect is always in play when you over control an aspect. The minute you let go, expect the swing to the opposite. I fully identify with my Heroine Oprah on her weight battles. I am loving the whole approach of understanding your relationship to food and not to diet! I am drawn to the teachings of Geneen Roth. So will explore that option. . . . . . . .



. . . . . . am seeing a bigger picture to me! I am looking at my talents and celebrating that. I am paying more attention to what brings me pleasure and looking at more of those moments in a given day . . . . . .

. . . . . . am enjoying some interesting times with my family. For some reason, there are now rewarding, special moments creeping in. My relationship with my Dad is moving from protected, highly sensitive and superficial to one of deeper meaningful chats. One where he is seeing me for the first time as a person not a child he was lumped that he had to adopt and raise as his own as part of the marrying my Mom package. My relationship with my Mom is moving to one with less secrets, more honest discussion and me being more myself with less fear of hurting her. A new understanding has entered my relationship with my siblings in how the way I judge them is how the world around me judges me! A scary discovery of late. It is not all great moments with my family as I am still working through my anger of feeling this responsibility to making their lives a great quality (sometimes it feels like it is at the expense of my happiness) to live although it really is on them to do so and not me . . . . . .

. . . . . . .have had limited results in The Men space! Well it feels like that! Been a drought over the past few weeks. Both Wiseman Nos 7 and Nos 8 in my life are straight with girlfriends. LOL! How is that for keeping it clean and not complicated? I cannot deny that we have pretty special connections that are really great. We are definitely emotionally connected but not physically. And something tells me that it has something to do with me accepting and approving of my body as it is today! It is linked to me being open to possibilities! It is also linked to me starting to nourish myself they way I lovingly nourish my work, my teams, my family and friends! And let me tell you that the resistance is strong in this department! So onward I press on! And NO, I am under no illusion of when I achieve the right mindset that these men magically turn gay! I appreciate that they are merely messengers of aspects I need to note . . . . . . . .



. . . . . . . . celebrate gratitude, love and a blessed existence up to now. May it continue as I journey on.

xoxo