There have been subtle nudges over the past couple of days that have contributed to this question but for me the “aha moment” happened when one of my crushes asked me if I was looking for a roommate as he was looking for a place to stay. Straight hot man (knowing that I think this of him) asking me if I was looking for a roommate!
In the 2 seconds it took for flashes of reasons why this was not ideal for me is what resulted in me sitting up and thinking of how stuck / blocked I was as a singleton. I have always wanted a sexy man in my place but for the first time I was very aware of where it all was blocked!
So a health warning to my fellow singletons, beware of the following blocks / areas you are stuck for allowing a space for that someone special to move into:
Singledom “the world” is never tested by experiences , reflections and contrasts! So it begs the question of how does one get a deeper understanding of themselves and their world relative to what is out there? For the singletons who chose to live alone, this is easily achieved by simply locking themselves away in their safe haven and getting lost in the singledom world by taking mind trips from the comforts of their couch, book, DVD, TV programme or Home delivery junk food. Indulging in the good old PJ day and just letting go of preening and having to get out and be something other than one without expectations from anything or anyone, not even from yourself. It probably has its place but too much of it and I feel life becomes way too theoretical / academic! You need to experience and feel as that is when you take note and become aware. Beware of the overkill of the cocooning effect. At some point, the butterfly must come out and take flight and experience the world!
The standard you set for yourself can be compromised and you can cheat yourself out of stepping up and just simply getting it done! I can bet that single people have more unfinished personal projects than our hooked up folk! Depending on how good your "tell myself the truth is", you can easily get yourself off the hook out of a number of stuff that you desire to get done but can de-priorities because really you only answer to you! It is that "what would you do when no-one is watching" scenario? And that is a constant reality for singletons who only have themselves to answer to. Dealing with the choice and consequence is a whole other discussion but for me, look at personal projects one takes on to better life, bring a bit of joy to your life or make a difference to the standard of living and see how well they have tracked ?!?!?! The freedom to change the priorities is something you get quite used to and your tomorrow can easily turn into a year or two later! There is always a way out and to get you off the hook!
Life becomes too practical and cynicism is your best ally! There is the danger that the “magic of life” factor can go into hibernation. You know that butterfly feeling or that positive energizing feeling when you doing something or being with someone. Men can become extravagant dildos that do not require battery operation. So dealing with them becomes outcomes based! Classification in seconds / minutes are known to happen. Good for Relationship vs Good for orgasm and then the relevant action plan is invoked. The world is seen a certain way and automatically what does not comply is judged and rejected! Negotiation is rare because if it is defective and non compliant it can be replaced and that includes people! Losses can be cut quickly and one can just move along swiftly to the a more compliant person, situation, way of seeing the world. The whole sense of faith, trust and letting it unfold is buried under the fastest route, the most effective route, the satisfaction guaranteed type outcome . This is all academic before the actual commitment to jump in and feel your way through it!
There is the rut which brings safety and why change it as that means work! Things become set and predictable from a dinner schedule to a relax schedule to an escapism schedule. Trying something new potentially gets met with resistance. You find a way to most efficiently get what needs getting done to get the desired outcome. A new way means work and in kicks the avoidance tactics and being closed to another way even a more joyful way!
So yeah, just some thoughts I had racing through me when my Mr Crush asked me if he could move in with me and become my roommate! I am left feeling that no matter what, if you having fun and getting pure joy out whatever you doing, the above goes away as you move from survival mode to being who you really are. Secondly, when you live life by a standard that comes from purity, the adaptability is automatic. But until that state of Zen is achieved, the above warning signs!
xoxo
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